can u edit my paragraph?
Hopper’s unblinking look at modern life is framed by his particular view of the American landscape. Our small towns and suburbs, the open roads splattered with the icons of automobile cultures (gas stations and motels), the often gritty urban spaces of diners and movee theaters. In these paints, Hopper presents glimpse of private lives of quiet despair lived within public spaces, though much of his art is centered on the failed relationships between people or the alienation of people from their environment where they live, Hopper can also create a profound sense of yearning and loss simply from a simple rendition of a lighthouse or an old clapboard barn. Some of his appeal may lie in nostalgia for the older world these structures represent, or in the desire to resurrect a landscape that you now see existing only in a small remnant.
Here are my suggestions for this piece of writing:
The second “sentence” “..our small towns….. and M-O-V-I-E theatres” is a fragment. And
I CAPS LOCKED “movie” because it is spelled wrongly in your copy.
Try: His subjects include small towns and suburbs, open roads splattered with
gas stations and motels—the icons of the automobiles we use for transportation, and gritty urban spaces dotted with diners and movie theatres.
Further down: “…H. presents glimpse of private…”. Either use “A glimpse” OR “glimpseS”. I would use the plural “glimpses”—just my suggestion.
“ ….lived within public spaces,” Full stop here. A period follows “spaces.”
Then: “….though much of his art….” Omit “though” and begin a new sentence
Much of his art depicts people alienated from each other or from the environment in
which they live. Full stop. Use a period.
“…and loss, SIMPLY from a SIMPLE rendition….” May I suggest that you replace
the adjective “simple” with a synonym. Some suggestions: plain, modest austere,
uncomplicated , folksy. You choose. In my opinion “simply” and “simple” are too
close together in your construction. The repetition of words so similar in so short a
space is awkward.
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